The day after Broon called for the rest of us to stop wasting food to try and combat global food shortages, I expected him to be tucking into beans on toast and eating every morsel of it. Not like Gordon to expose himself to charges of stinking hypocrisy. After all, it is all our fault that there is a global food shortage, since we all waste £8 a week.
I was therefore delighted to read that the G8 summit on food shortages is costing a mere £283 MILLION to stage. To be fair, the leaders are going easy on their menus, restricting themselves to a modest five courses at lunch and a modest eight courses at dinner.
The menu in full:
White asparagus and truffle soup
Kegani crab almond oil foam and green olive tapenade
Supreme of chicken served with stuffed thigh, nuts and orange savoury with beetroot foam
Special cheese selection with half-dried fruits
Peach compote, ice cream and raspberry coulis
Smoked salmon and sea urchin "pain surprise" style
Hot onion tart
Winter lily bulb and summer savoury
Folding fan modelled tray decorated with bamboo grasses
Kelp-flavoured cold Kyoto beef "shabu-shabu", asparagus dressed with sesame cream
Diced fatty flesh of tuna fish, avocado and jellied soy sauce and Japanese herb "shiso"
Boiled clam, tomato, "shiso" in jellied clear soup of clam
Water shield and pickled conger dressed with vinegar soy sauce
Boiled prawn with jellied tosazu vinegar
Grilled eel rolled around burdock strip
Fried and seasoned Goby with soy sauce and sugar
Hairy Crab "Kegani" bisque soup
Salt-grilled bighand thornyhead with vinegary water pepper sauce
Milk fed "shiranuka" lamb flavoured with aromatic herbs and mustard
Roasted lamb and cepes and black truffle with emulsion sauce of lamb's stock and pine seed oil
Special cheese selection, lavender honey and caramelised nuts
G8 fantasy dessert
Coffee served with candied fruits and vegetables
Le Reve grand cru champagne
Corton Charlemagne 2005
Chateau Latour burgundy
Ridge California Monte Bello 1997
Tokaji Essencia 1999 from Hungary
Call me an uneducated peasant, but I don't know what half of this stuff is. Is it even food? If someone told me they had a hairy crab or a bighand thornyhead, I would call the police. Are the 13 courses served on separate plates, or just tipped into a trough? Oink, oink!